


Sidanelv

by ElizabethJaneway1158



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Competition, Explicit Language, F/M, Graphic Violence, Original Character - Freeform, Post Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 06:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15768258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethJaneway1158/pseuds/ElizabethJaneway1158
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay's life after Voyager comes home. A competition fic involving love, loss, redemption, and discovery. Following the 'Janeway' family through some difficult times. Chakotay POV.**Shitty description. Sorry. The story is much better.**





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Helen8462](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helen8462/gifts).



> \--Cherokee for ‘family’. Pronounced: (see-dah-nel-ah)—
> 
> Life after Voyager from Chakotay’s point of view.  
> I was given a series of pictures to choose from and the prompt was to create a scene from one photo.

Tom Paris intercepts me as I step off the transport pad, his face pale and unreadable. I follow him wordlessly through the vast corridors of Starfleet Medical. The cacophony of rushing nurses and conferring physicians creates a pressure in my ears, white noise filling my subconscious.

Our swift pace makes light work of the lengthy trek; my heart rate accelerating with each passing minute. I have navigated this building several times throughout the years; visiting friends and family, routine medical exams, and a few not-so-routine. Yet, before this day I have never had the experience of visiting the Emergency Transport Bay.

As Tom and I round the corner of the waiting area, young Owen Paris is being held down by two Starfleet personnel. His eyes are wild, teeth flashing in a snarl of effort and warning.

**_“LET ME IN THERE, DAMNIT! GET OFF ME!”_ **

Tom runs to subdue his thrashing son. He is covered in grease and grime, tears streak brightly through the filth, his uniform battered and stained dark. Hands and arms matted with blood despite the apparent absence of any injury. Ice races through my veins at the implication; his behavior reflecting the emotions rising in me.

**_“SHE’S IN THERE--,”_ ** he sees me, blind to his father’s presence, and throws his elbow back into one of the officer’s noses. I break into a sprint.

**_“CHAKOTAY, HELP ME. THEY WON’T LET ME IN!”_ **

His screams echo off the walls, Tom and I wrestle him onto a bench; Owen continues to buck in our grasp, his partial Klingon strength nearly getting the best of me.  

“OWEN,” I call to him, he continues his struggle, “ **_ENSIGN PARIS._ ** ” My final captain’s bark snaps him from his frenzy. Wide brown eyes lock on mine. They’re crazed and filled with unshed tears.

A nurse bursts through the double doors, frantically searching the group scattered around the entrance. He takes one look at the officer cradling his nose and moves on until he zeros in on me.

“Are you this girl’s father, “he glances at the padd in hand, “Ensign Janeway, N., 24 years of age? Captain Paris said that he was putting out a call to you,” I nod curtly, attempting to move past him and he body blocks me. The uninjured officer also steps forward to intercept. The man in front of me types away, adding something to his log.

“Will the Admiral be joining us,” he looks to me and when he receives nothing but a growl, he moves to Tom. He speaks again, rambling on and on, but I am no longer listening.

His words fall on deaf ears, the only sound I am aware of is the hammering thud of my heart. A firm hand on my shoulder brings me back to my body, I turn to see the brisk gait of my wife approaching. Her command mask settled firmly in place, she glides in gracefully, looking to me for a report.

Something in my expression startles her and my lungs pull in air sympathetically with the deep involuntary gasp that slips from her. Façade quickly spiraling out of control, she steps closer to the nurse and listens to what I initially couldn’t.

Fragments and phrases filter through my haze: “ _ emergent surgery”, “brain bleed”, “cranial swelling”, “crush injuries”, “containment field breach”, “saved the lives of many”, “support beam”, “pinned” _ . Cold fingers grasp at my numb ones. Kathryn’s voice resonates in the hollow of my consciousness.

“May I—may we see her?”

All traces of the Admiral have evaporated in an instant, leaving behind the woman underneath. The mother of my child. The fire returns to me once more and I draw up to my full height, placing a menacing scowl on my face.

The man pales in fear and I feel my wife’s eyes on me, sensing my change in demeanor. Kathryn tugs at my arm; she asks me to calm down.  _ Calm down? _  I cannot begin to quell the need to see my daughter. My jaw tenses painfully and her hand firmly grasps mine.

“We  _ will  _ see our daughter now,” my voice Is filled with venom; he sighs and steps aside, motioning to the door.

“Prepare yourselves, she’s covered in monitoring equipment. You can only be permitted to enter for a moment, then the surgeon will come and give you a report once she’s finished. Understood?”

I grunt and force my way through the doors. The din of instruments and quick orders being called out is almost overwhelming; a flurry of personnel whisking around the biobed. Finally, our view is unobstructed and I am able to look upon my daughter’s bloody face.

Kathryn sags against me, ever so slightly, but I feel it. My hold around her tightens; she rights herself and pulls me further into the room. Kathryn is always the stronger one; when it comes to my baby girl, I am not able to cope with her being in pain. I look away to gather myself as we come to a stop at Nayeli’s side.

She is unrecognizable and unsettlingly still. An arm and both legs are encased in titanium casts; doctors consult with the surgeon, I can’t help but note the urgency in his tone. All the skin that I can see is burned heavily, her long black hair singed horribly.

_ “Nayeli, my sweet one. Oh, my baby girl,”  _ I attempt to reach for her and someone is ushering us to the door. Reality slams into me and my body reacts in real time, I roughly grab the arm of the person who pulled me away and slam them against the nearest surface. Kathryn’s face finds me, her iridescent eyes burn mine with their power. Complying with her wishes, I release the rattled nurse.

“The surgeon will come to update you as soon as she is able.”

I follow her numbly back into the waiting area. The anxiety that is choking me threatens to spill out onto the carpet. I swallow against the rising bile, not wanting to recognize the serious danger my daughter is in. Kathryn moves from my reach and cups Owen’s face between her hands.   

“She will be alright.  _ She has to be,”  _ she trembles; Owen sobs and Kathryn gathers him to her, his head resting on her shoulder, hands tightly fisting the uniform at her back.

 “I-It’s all my f-fault. I’m s-so sor-ry,” Owen gasps for air to continue, “She was m-my re-sponsibility. I w-as in-n com-mand.”

“Shhh,” she hushes, cradling the back of his head and rubs soothingly at his back, “No one is to blame. These— _ These things just happen. _ ” Her voice cracks completely and her eyes slam shut, tears make their way down her already damp skin. My heart brakes, my own tears I’ve been holding back streak hotly down my cheeks. I drop heavily onto the nearest bench, my legs no longer able to support my weight.

The tight twist of her voice pains me. She should not have to suffer through this. Someone who has already lost so much and worked tirelessly for what she has. She fought to bring this beautiful child into our world, to raise and share in the walk of life, showering her with love. A mother is not meant to witness the near-death of her child, the gift that she holds most dear. That child that she fought so hard to carry and nurture; treasured and precious. The vivid memory of the night Nayeli was born floods my senses.  

_ I observe helplessly, every muscle in my body tensed in anxiousness. Her face is nearly purple, perspiration mats her hair to her forehead. I grab the cool cloth from the table beside me and brush it across her hot angry flesh. She moans deeply, heralding pain and exhaustion from the back of her throat. _

_ Her expression contorts and I reach for her, hands crushing mine as she bears down. I grit my teeth against the discomfort of her nails digging into my palm; gladly, I take it, anything to feel even a pale comparison to the agony she is currently in. The fire in her eyes, I’ve seen it before; in battle, in the heat of an argument. Determination. Then it is gone. _

_ She sinks deep into herself and lets out a hearty groan with the next contraction. They’re right on top of each other; her breath is skimming across my cheek as I murmur sweet words of encouragement into her ear. She shows no outward signs of recognition, but I know it reaches her somewhere, wherever she is in this moment. _

_ The nurse urges me down her body, instructing me to grasp under her knee and around her thigh, supporting the leg as she presses down against me. I peer over the edge of her gown and see the most remarkable sight I’ve ever seen. In a few seconds, my life will be forever changed. Tears burn against the back of my eyes and I welcome them. Something akin to a snarl rips from my wife’s throat as she brings forth a head covered in dark hair. There is no stopping the gasp of awe that passes my dry lips. _

_ “One more push. She’s nearly here; just the shoulders now,” I watch as the doctor’s practiced hands cradle my daughter’s exposed head. Her efforts are downright herculean; hours upon seemingly endless hours, she fights, pants, her persistence never faltering. Until this moment. She panics for a moment, searching desperately for something to find purchase on. I feel her entire body shudder, I look to her and my eyes meet her glossy gaze. _

_ She grips my bicep, knuckles blanching against the pressure; a harsh barking sob expels from her heaving breast and the small body rushes into the doctor’s waiting hands. A fierce cry pierces the heavy silence and Kathryn falls back against the bed, her leg hanging limply in my grasp. _

_ I look to my wife, her arms thrown over her eyes; she shakes and whimpers oh-so-quietly as the nurse runs a scanner over her. I am pulled away by the doctor; he hands me a small metal tool, smiling proudly, asking if I wish to cut the umbilical cord. My shaking inexperienced hands make surprisingly quick work and watch them whisk my wailing daughter away to examine her. _

_ I return to the head of the bed, taking the cloth and wiping at every available inch of flushed skin. She weeps and I uncover her face, gently brining her arms down to rest, raining kisses over her face. I shower her with love, peace, and thanks. _

_ “Shhhh,” I whisper sweetly, “You did beautifully. Our baby girl, she’s here. Thank you. I love you so much, Kathryn.” Her crying abates with my comfort and she slowly comes back to herself, nuzzling me in return, kissing me fervently. I feel her excitement and sheer joy spark between us. _

_ “W-where is-s s-he…?” _

_ “She’s right here, Admiral,” the nurse brings us a small pink bundle, so incredibly small. I step back and watch with great anticipation as my family is made whole. Immediately, my sweet one burrows into her mother’s breast, rooting around for what she knows is there. _

_ With the nurse now moved away, I stand in her place, easing the top of Kathryn’s gown open for my daughter to latch on. The both of us caress the downy head while she suckles; Kathryn hums, her eyes squinting in pain as another nurse pushes firmly on her tender belly. Just as I am about to ask why, a surprising gush flows from between her legs. I am immediately alarmed; both my wife and the nurse hurriedly explain the completely normal process of after-birth. _

_ The sleeplessness and mounting intensity of the last 14 hours begin to weigh heavily on my body. Someone pulls me into a chair as the next few minutes become a blur. A cup of water is thrust into my hands with an instruction to ‘drink’. _

_ “We’ll need you nice and sturdy when your daughter comes over,” someone moves in front of me and I look past the body blocking my view. Kathryn watches me, tired eyes dancing with understanding and affection. _

_ My daughter is suddenly hovering in front of me and I reach out for her. The nurse maneuvers my arms, molding my large body to hold something so delicate and precious. Dark little eyes squint up at me and I am lost. I cannot see around the torrent of tears that are leaving me. I bring her close and breathe deeply, her soft scent calming me. _

_ “Hello, my sweet one,” she fusses as I kiss her tiny nose, “Your mother and I have waited so long for you. I love you, so very very much.” I trace her features and she relaxes, her little hand closing tightly around my finger. My gaze returns to Kathryn. _

_ “She’s beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Like her mother,” she chuckles through her own tears and blows me a kiss. I stand on solid legs, my wife’s bright watery smile returning my strength to me. I kiss my daughter once more before placing her back on her mother’s chest. _

_ My forehead rests against Kathryn and we let the moment consume us. Our baby is here with us. This woman, my wonderful warrior woman giving me the family that I have always dreamed of. _

After a four hour wait, the surgeon comes to deliver her report. She holds herself together, but I can see the stress and fatigue seeping into her every muscle. The younger woman looks to us and Kathryn and I rise to meet her.

“Admiral, Captain, the surgeries were successful; several times we thought we’d lost her, but she fought for us. We were able to repair a portion of the damage Ms. Janeway sustained,” Kathryn sighs in relief and I hug her to me, “She is not out of danger just yet. She struggled when we attempted to wean her from support, so we left her on the equipment. She will need at least three follow up procedures and months, possibly years, of physical therapy. There is no telling what brain function could return. Much of the swelling on her brain reached critical levels.” No.  _ No.  _ She must come back to us.  _ She will come back to us. _

“We are hopeful that she will begin to breathe on her own in a few hours,” my wife’s grip is slowly increasing in intensity and, I too, am feeling the weight of the surgeon’s hesitance.

“What-What else is there? Is there something you’re not telling us,” the doctor glances at me and focuses on Kathryn.

“Her legs. They were, essentially crushed and, erm, pulled from her body. There was extensive damage to her spinal cord. We won’t be able to assess fully until the rest of her body heals most of the way.”

“Won’t be able to assess  _ what _ ?” My stomach drops; mind drawing conclusions and filling in the gaps.

“Her ability to walk, ma’am.”

_ “Oh, God. Chakotay--” _

“During her therapy, we may be able to gain some of her motor function back. That being said, the probability of her being able to walk again unaided is very small.”

Kathryn gasps, I feel the quaking of her body and I turn her into the safety of my chest. Her arms squeeze me painfully, her breath coming in gasps. The barrier breaks and she weeps against me.

“I-I’m so sorry. I’ll update you when we have more to report. She will remain in the surgical unit to ensure her vitals stay where they need to. When she is moved to a more permanent location, you may see her.”

My sweet Nayeli. Fighting for her life in the next room; I hold Kathryn’s shaking body closer. This isn’t supposed to happen.  _ How _  can this be happening? May the Spirits guide and keep you, my sweet baby girl. Bring her back to us. Please.  _ Please. _

Kathryn and I stand, frozen until I feel her begin to lose her balance. I sit her on the bench next to me, brushing her hair back and attempting to calm her a bit. A hand clasps my shoulder, I look up into Owen’s dirty face. He drops into the empty space on the other side of me and I pull him in with my other arm. I rock all of us gently as I feel his body shudder with tears.

“I-I’m s-so sor-ry. I-,” Kathryn hushes him and reaches across my lap to grasp his hand. He grips her tightly and I cradle both of them in my arms. I drop a kiss to Kathryn’s head and return to the safety of my memories.

_ Kathryn shifts in the bed, I hear her groan and she presses a hand to her abdomen. Our baby girl, nestled against her, is jostled and begins to fuss. I stand to shift my wife’s pillows and she offers the baby to me. She makes room for me and I sit beside her hip. The small pink face contorts and a wail rips from her tiny throat. _

_ “Shhh. I’ve got you,” the cries die down to whimpers and dark eyes wearily peer up at me. _

_ Only hours old, this life in my arms. Every noise and movement she makes is cataloged in my mind. Tears fill my eyes as I realize that she will grow up faster than I can believe. _

_ “Nayeli, my sweet one. Nayeli.” _

_ She grunts softly and burrows deeper into the cradle of my arm. I brush my fingers over the delicate soft curls covering her head. Kathryn’s hand joins mine, caressing our daughter’s face. _

_ “Mmmm…what are you saying to her,” Kathryn’s exhausted voice floats to my ears, her arm drops to rest on my thigh. _

_ “’Nayeli’. My father used to say it. It’s a word adopted from the ancient Hopi tribe; it means, ‘I love you’.” _

_ “Chakotay, I love it. I love hearing you say it,” she pauses, watching us, “I want that to be her name”. _

_ This woman, I love her to death; for the past month and a half we have been running around and around trying to decide on a name. After finally settling on Elizabeth a week ago… _

_ “I thought you wanted her to be named after your grandmother.” _

_ “Mmmhmm. She can be Nayeli Elizabeth,” Kathryn falters a bit with the pronunciation and we both chuckle. _

_ “It sounds better when you say it,” my chest tightens at the disappointment in her tone. _

_ “I think it sounds wonderful when you speak my language,” I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. She’s barely able to keep her eyes open, she pats me lovingly, smiling. _

_ “Welcome, Nayeli Elizabeth Janeway. Blessings upon you. May your life be long and full of love,” she snuffles and a small fist grasps my finger tightly. _


	2. Chapter II

“And, let me tell you, after that day Kathryn  _ never _  doubted my ability to embarrass the hell out of her,” Gretchen Janeway graced her daughter with a wicked grin as she took a sip of wine. Kathryn responded with one of her famed glares. Unable to contain herself any longer, a bark of laughter burst over the rim of Gretchen’s glass.

My aching cheeks and ribs are protesting the workout they had received this evening. Weekly dinners in Indiana are a wonderful change of pace from life San Francisco. Not to mention the fact that I love Gretchen like my own mother.

I reach over and rub Kathryn’s shoulder to pull her from her grousing. She looks at me and a smile immediately lights up her face. She may act wounded, but I know that Kathryn treasures every moment we spend with her mother.

“What did you think of the gnocchi, Chakotay? It set alright?”

I look down at my empty plate and chuckle; this woman had made me my own meal. Three courses for everyone and my own entrée. My heart and belly are full.

“Yes, of course. It was delicious. Thank you so much.”

She flashes me that Janeway smile and rises to take the empty plates to the kitchen. I reach to retrieve Kathryn’s and a slender hand slaps mine away.

“Ah! Now, you stay right there.”

Kathryn snuffles into her wine, the action endearingly reminiscent of her mother’s earlier display; her fingers absentmindedly come to comb through the hair around my ear.

“She loves you,” Kathryn informs me; my face heats with a blush, “She loved you after the first dinner”.

She strokes my cheek and I lean into it; my hand moves to hold hers in place as I turn my lips to her palm, pressing them there in a lingering kiss.

“I seem to attract all Janeway women,” I murmur into her sweet skin. She rolls her eyes and delivers a playful kick to my shin. We both remember how subtle Phoebe was with her adoration. I feel her tracking my thoughts and she giggles.

“Maybe I should’ve let Phoebe have you. You think we’re hard to handle,” she gestures between herself and the doorway to the kitchen, “Hold on to your hat, ‘Mr. Yummy Buns’”. We both guffaw. Kathryn’s  _ never  _ let me live down the colorful nickname her sister bestowed upon me after several bottles of wine that fateful Christmas Eve. 

We break from our small embrace and I take a drink of my wine. Kathryn sighs deeply and I notice she is staring longingly out the large bay window.

I stand slowly, pulling her with me, and gently kiss her soft lips. I hold her gaze for a moment and, as always, I endeavor to read her thoughts.

“How about you take a walk and I’ll join you after I finish helping your mother,” I run my hands up and down her arms. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, leaning into my chest.

“I think I’ll do just that,” she rises on her tiptoes gifting me with a parting kiss before leaving the room.

I am contemplating how exactly to have  _ this _  conversation with Gretchen when my train of thought is suddenly derailed.

“Chakotay?” I smile brightly at the strangely familiar voice that calls to me. Even after a year, it still fascinates me.

“I’m here. Are you sure you don’t need any help, Gretchen?”

I enter the kitchen to see the small woman wiping down her countertops, a grin plastered on her face that would give Kathryn a run for her money. There was no mistaking where Kathryn got her striking beauty; all the Janeway women were positively enchanting.

“Of course, you would ask now, dear. Work’s all done,” she winks and plucks her wineglass from the island to wash where it sat, “Although, I must give credit where it’s due, you help more than any other man that’s ever been in this kitchen”.

We share a laugh and a tense pause settles between us. She knows. She has to know. I watch Gretchen slowly finish her wine and deposit the glass next to the sink. She braces herself against the counter beside me, one hand on her hip, just as her daughter would do.

“Well? Here we are. Are you going to spit it out or am I going to have to pry it from you? Edward’s not around anymore. It’s just me. No need to be shy.”

Easier said than done. She smiles gently and moves to leave the kitchen, patting me on my shoulder as she passes. It’s now or never. I swallow hard and—

“Gretchen? I—“

“Yes, Chakotay. I’ve been talking to florists and caterers for months now. Yes. She already belongs to you. You have my blessing, if that’s what you’re looking for,” I watch her chuckling form disappear upstairs with a slack jaw. Am I that obvious?

_ “Go on then!” _

Her shout from the top of the landing fills me with energy that propels me through the front door into the night.

The warm Indiana breeze whisks its way through the linen of my loose shirt. It feels incredible. Leave it to Kathryn to have grown up in one of the most beautiful and tranquil places I’ve been. Her figure, unguarded by the customary Starfleet uniform, appears slight and oh-so-feminine leaning against the base of a large weeping willow.

A smile tugs at my lips and I move quietly in the bright moonlight of this monumental night. Excitement burns in my gut, tension builds in my chest. Years of dreaming, plotting, and planning have led to this decision I am eagerly running headlong into.

_ Tonight is the night I will ask Kathryn Janeway to marry me. _

Her deep chuckle floats to me, kissing my ears and filling me with unbridled joy. Seeing Kathryn finally happy and carefree is an elixir that heals my soul. Without the strain of countless trials and lengthy debriefings, for the first time in my life, I can experience Kathryn without the confines of captaincy and protocol.

She is swaying, arms wrapped tightly around her, gazing at the stars. Under her breath, she hums a gentle tune, unrecognizable to me. It calls me to her; I embrace her from behind, snaking my arms over hers. Kathryn continues to sway, bringing me with her, I nuzzle my way to the juncture of her shoulder and neck.

“I used to love coming to this tree. Through the years, it kept me under the guard of its limbs and foliage,” she sighed contentedly and continued, “Sheltering me from all my fears and doubts in life. I could always feel it share its strength, healing and reassuring. It was my constant, this tree. No matter what was given to or taken from me, I carried on with the comforting notion that I would always have my tree”.

I rest my chin on the top of her head, taking in the stars that now seemed so very far away. I spin her around slowly and continue our swaying. Kathryn brings her head to rest just above my heart, like it has belonged there her whole life. Bowing my head, I press my lips to her hair and breathe deeply.  

“How did you manage on Voyager without this powerful tree?” 

She laughs against me and lifts her face to fix me with a weighty gaze. Warring emotions sparkle in her cerulean eyes; her palm comes to cradle my cheek. One lone tear escapes trails over her soft skin, a quivering smile spreading on her face.

“I didn’t need it. I had you.”

I am touched by her frank admission, her willingness to be so open. Deep inside my heart of hearts, I have always known she returns my love. To hear her admit it sends shivers of delight down my spine, adding to the deluge of energy skittering across my skin.

I take a deep breath to make my move and Kathryn’s delicate index finger is placed firmly over my lips. Her face glows in exquisite beauty under the pale moonlight. Suddenly realization strikes me. It can’t be. She is going to beat me to the punch. And, Spirits help me, I’m going to let her.

“Chakotay,” her voice wavers and she clears her throat, “I can’t possibly imagine living the rest of my life without you being by my side. You’ve given me so much. You are my constant now. Without you, I am lost. I--,” she finally falters, her tears becoming too intense to speak around.

I feel the wet hot trails of moisture streaking my own face. This woman is my beginning and my end, this I know. I must get us through this; I am not going to spend another moment without her being mine. With the pads of my thumbs I dry her eyes and kiss both lids softly.

“Kathryn, I—“

My voice leaves me. Great Gods! My heart is threatening to leap from my chest and I grasp her hands in mine. She looks to me and her mouth begins to open slowly in shock as she grasps my purpose. I kneel in the soft grass at her feet; my mouth dry, and my limbs shaking. My knee protests sharply at the treatment it’s receiving but I ignore it.

The way Kathryn is peering down at me is a memory I will treasure for the rest of my life. This brings the sting of fresh tears to my eyes and she pulls a hand from my grasp and runs it soothingly through my hair. I can wait no longer.

_ “Marry me, Kathryn.” _

Her jaw tightens and releases, she wars to keep control of her reaction and loses. Her hand at the nape of my neck moves to press against her mouth. She nods ‘yes’ and a sob breaks from her lips.

I pull the small wooden box from my pocket and open it to remove a golden band adorned with a few sparkling diamonds. Sleek and elegant, just like  _ my _  Kathryn.

“ _ My Kathryn,” _  I whisper in awe as I slip the band onto her trembling finger.

She pulls me to her and crushes her lips to mine. I feel like I’m flying. Every part of me comes alive as I rush to return the kiss. The need for oxygen becomes too great and I break away from her, resting my forehead against hers.

“I love you, Chakotay. So very much.”

The smile on my face rivals all others that have happened in my live thus far.   __

“Gods, I have always loved you, Kathryn Janeway. Always.  _ Always. _ ”

I press a kiss against her lips once more before pulling her with me to return to the house.

“Chakotay,” she plants her feet and I turn to study her.

_ “Dance with me,”  _ her request sails through the breeze, igniting a flame deep within me.

Without question, I take her in my arms and she begins to hum once more; her head resting above my heart, just where it belongs. Slow and easy, we move to the tune flowing on her deep contralto. Kathryn’s giddy laugh echoes in the night as I twirl her expertly and return her to the warmth of my embrace.  


	3. Chapter III

“Thank you so much for tonight. I know it was short notice. I just have so much to do before this baby comes,” Tom runs a ragged hand through his hair and gives me a sheepish smile.

“That’s alright. Kathryn told you ‘anytime’. She was wonderful, as always. Ate all of her dinner and listened very well,” I couldn’t help but grin at the memory of our dinner earlier. Kathryn had ended up with a small hand smearing chocolate cake all over her face. The two dissolved in hysterics; Kathryn trying to clean them up and Miral doing her best to replace the cake that was wiped away.  

Tom peers around me into the den, “Sure took it out of them”.

I follow the direction of his gesturing nod and my heart stops in its tracks. Children’s book clutched in hand, Kathryn is fast asleep in her favorite place, the large easy chair near the fireplace. Her body is curled protectively around an equally exhausted four-year-old Miral. Warmth spreads through my chest, my undying love for this woman finding a way to grow impossibly stronger.

“They look so peaceful. I hate to disturb them,” Paris chuckles lightly and moves past me to retrieve his daughter. I brace myself for the meltdown that is about to ensue.

If there is one fact that any of us is aware of, it’s that Miral loves her Aunt Kathryn. Just as expected, Miral and Kathryn shift uncomfortably, waking at the intrusion. Kathryn’s tired eyes move instinctually to the little one’s face as her ridged forehead wrinkles in frustration.

The Miral’s mood moves from bad to worse; she fills her Klingon lungs full of air, turns her head to Kathryn’s breast, and proceeds to wail.

Small arms grip tightly around my wife while Tom attempts to extricate the girl. I find the display endearing until my gaze lands on Kathryn’s face.

Tears track silently down her cheeks, she whispers love and comforts into the downy chestnut curls. Her expression—when Miral is finally pried from her arms—is heartbreaking. Paris hauls his sobbing daughter over one shoulder, mouthing  _ ‘I’m sorry´ _ , pausing when he notices where my attention is drawn.

Kathryn rises slowly, bottom lip quivering uncontrollably, and passes a hand over Miral’s head. The girl looks to her and reaches out, desperate hiccupping moans fill the room.

“Hush now, sweetheart. It’s alright. Come and see me again, “her voice breaks subtly, the control slipping, “You’ll be my brave girl, won’t you?”

Miral nods wordlessly, her body begins to droop against her father, a small hand still extended in hopes of being returned to her Godmother; Kathryn continues to trace her fingers soothingly along the small ridges. Tom seems to be just as puzzled as I am, yet returns to his task of gathering their belongings on his way out the door.

Kathryn presses a kiss to each of them and bids Tom a curt goodbye before quickly slipping past me and heading upstairs. The younger man silently questions me with an inquisitive brow and I brush it off, not prepared to delve into the inquiry.

“We’d better get going. Say ‘night night’ to Uncle Chakotay, Miral,” the girl twists between Tom and me, wrapping her small arms around my neck.

I return the hug and kiss her goodnight, just as I do every time we say goodbye. My mind is wandering aimlessly. Kathryn has been acting so strange. She never tells me what is bothering her. Now other people are starting to see it. What could be wrong?  

“Goodnight, Chakotay. Take care of the Admiral.”

“Always, Tom,” I chuckle. Tom pats my arm and lets himself out.

The silence in the house is almost too much to bear. I mill around the den and the kitchen for a few more minutes, putting furniture back in its place and clearing away the remaining debris from our Goddaughter. This task is much harder with a larger house to tend to.

Kathryn and I have been living at the farmhouse in Indiana for just a few months. Gretchen found a civilian position on the Mars station and planned to live there for the next five years. Something about an ‘amazing scientific opportunity’. Kathryn seems to think it has less to do with the science and more to do with the handsome astrophysicist that recommended her for the project.

Before turning off the lights downstairs, I steep some tea for myself and to take to Kathryn. Lately, she’s been taking me up on my offer of tea with surprising consistency. The notion brings a smile to my face and I climb the stairs with the teapot and a couple of mugs in my hands.

I push open the door to the master bedroom and find my wife on the window seat, hugging a pillow to herself. Her posture is forlorn, gaze trained on her weeping willow outside in the summer moonlight. I let myself study her a bit longer before leaving the tea on the bedside table and moving to kneel at her side.

My presence does nothing to break her trance; the light from the window casts a glow on her pale face. I raise my hand to caress her forehead, tucking a long errant strand of hair behind her ear. She turns slowly to face me; her eyes are red-rimmed and shimmering with unshed tears.

“Kathryn?”

My heart constricts as she sniffles and abandons the pillow. Her arms snake around my shoulders and she buries her face in my neck. I hold her close, feeling her shudder against me.

“Shhh,” I hush, “What’s wrong?”

She mumbles something unintelligible into my skin. My hands run soothingly up and down her back, settling her.

“Tell me, Kathryn…whatever it is, we will—, “she pulls back suddenly, her face schooled in an attempt to hide her emotions. Her silence stretches while she gathers her thoughts. I am about to speak to her again and words stumble from her lips.

_ “I’m pregnant.” _

She waits for me and I am desperately searching for a response, I can’t find it in me to be melancholy, even after the pain and heartbreak. I feel a smile forcing itself on my lips. Tears burn at the back of my eyes with the news of another chance.

Seeing my excitement, Kathryn retreats from my embrace and returns to her vigilant watch over the night. My thoughts have been so selfish; she must be devastated. How long has she known?  _ Spirits! _  She does not have to bear this alone. I lean toward her and she grasps the pillow, avoiding my advance.

“ _ Kathryn…”  _  Her body tenses and squeezes her eyes shut, a grimace pulls at her features. She shakes her head back and forth a quiet sob escapes her firm grasp.

“ **_No._ ** We can’t—I  _ won’t _ .”

She throws the pillow against the window and stands abruptly. I reach for her and she ducks around me, pulling off her blouse and traveling to the bathroom to start her bedtime routine. 

I follow her, not willing to let this rest quite yet. This subject is still fresh and raw, for both of us. I take a deep breath and prepare to meet force. Since our return from the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn and I have had only a few true arguments. This has been one of the hardest we’ve had in our eleven years together.

“Kathryn we need to—“

“No we do  _ not _ . You told me you were getting your boosters renewed.” The shock of her statement slaps me in the face. I recover, doing my best to keep the ice from my voice.

“I never agreed—“

“No, you didn’t, did you?”

“ _ You _  didn’t leave me much of a choice.”

She braces herself against the vanity and sighs deeply. Without her top on, I can see that her body is once again filling out. How could I have missed this?

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me,” I try to quell the anger rising inside me, “Why you haven’t let me touch you for nearly a month and a half? You knew that I would notice. I would see that you’re—“

“ _ Enough _ . I am not—,“ she stops short and looks at herself in the mirror. I take this opportunity calm myself. I need to be careful. Understanding. Slowly, I move behind her, running my arms around her waist.

“How far?” She refuses to look at me in our reflection. Her eyes trained on my hands splayed across her belly.

“Kath—“

“Eleven weeks.”

Her hands slowly rise to join mine, my chest tightens with warring emotions and I press a lingering kiss to her temple. I feel and hear her sigh. It’s exhausted and painfully sad.

“That’s further than we’ve been before,” I murmur into her skin. My body lightly sways us from side to side, she moves right with me. Her abdomen quakes beneath me and Kathryn whimpers.

“It’s alright, I have you,” she starts to lose her grip and lets herself cry outright.

I turn her into me and cradle her, swaying and whispering my love into her soft hair. After the years of difficulty and a disheartening consultation from her physician, Kathryn had stopped asking and started telling me that we were no longer ‘trying’ anymore. The sorrow and disappointment in her voice nearly killed me.

Keeping her in my embrace, I lean over to rescue her nightgown from beside the sink. I direct her back into the bedroom and we stand together at the foot of the bed. The nightgown rests over my shoulder while I resume her task of undressing.

I release the clasp of her bra, gently pulling the straps down her arms. For the first time all night, her eyes lock with mine, completely unguarded. I brush my lips against hers and trace her breasts as they fall out of their cups. Her nipples, now a bit darker, pucker deliciously when the air hits them. A low moan is swallowed by my mouth. Kathryn presses into my hands, gripping at my shoulders. She shudders when I bend to grace each straining bud with a wet kiss of their own.

I raise her arms and drape the silk gown over her head, bringing it down to whisper over her goose fleshed skin. Tears continue to track down her face, I intercept them with my mouth. My hands roam her, caressing and massaging her tension away. I want to heal her, bring her peace. My kisses are meant to soothe, yet our lack of intimate touch is brining Kathryn’s body to life.

Her lips find mine and she latches on with a powerful force, small fingers thread through the hair at the nape of my neck, scratching lightly at my skin. Her breath stutters, the strength of the moment catches her once more. Wiping away new tears, I kneel in front of her and help her out of her slacks and underwear.

Her hands come to my head once more and she presses my cheek to her belly. I choke on the touching sentiment of the gesture. My own tears spill over and I turn to kiss the cool satin of her gown. There is no holding back the torrent of exhilaration and passion that crashes over me.

I rise and gently lower her onto the soft cushion of the bed, auburn hair fans out gloriously around her. She is radiant and stunning. Full of life. She sees my tears and beckons me to be near. Without thought, my clothes are discarded, my body stretches over hers, and she pulls me down for a kiss.

“I love you,” she sniffles, “I’m sorry--,” I nuzzle into the cradle of her neck and pull back to capture her attention. Fingers under her chin turn her to face to me and I see the guilt in her expression.

“You have no need to apologize for  _ anything _ . We will do this. Together. No matter what happens.”

Regarding each other tenderly, we speak without words. Our noses brush and sweet kisses banish the darkness from our world.

I feel her legs open around me and hands press at my shoulders, guiding me down to her. I settle into her, my mouth running along her collarbone. Her back arches and she molds to me, hips rocking slowly against mine.

She moans against my mouth as I suckle at her bottom lip, a guttural sound released on a contented sigh. It burns through my veins and bursts low in my groin. The pressure her pelvis is creating is delicious, I rut languidly into her.

_ “Oh, yes,”  _ comes her breathless reply.

Continuing my steady thrusts, I take a silken nipple into my mouth. Met with a hungry hum of approval, my tongue continues to trace dangerously around the saturated material. My hand travels up a smooth thigh and her breath hitches when the skirt begins to bunch around my wrist.

A questing index finger finds her warm wet center and circles firmly around the swollen bundle of nerves. Kathryn cries out and grinds down into my hand. The gentle nature of our exchange gives way to the longing that has built between us.

Her hands move down my chest, tweaking at my nipples, tracing over the twitching muscles of my abs, before slipping under my briefs and palming my erection. She gasps in answer to the groan that reverberates in my throat.

_ “Chakotay,”  _ my name nothing more than a hoarse whimper,  _ “I need you…”. _

My cock strains painfully in her grasp, a practiced thumb runs through the moisture gathering on the leaking head. I growl and clumsily tug the offending garment off, not caring that they hang haphazardly on my ankle.

Kathryn is dripping wet and eager hands bring me back to her, I move and am tightly sheathed with one long stroke. My forehead rests on hers and I feel her hot breath as she pants; long fingernails score marks into the flesh on my back. She breathes in a choked moan, a rosy lip trapped in her teeth.  

_ “Gods, Kathryn…” _

The tight heat of her cunt ripples around me and my pelvis screams in indignation, the need to move overwhelming. Small heels nudge impatiently at my backside, her hips shift, legs wrapping around my waist; the angle change sinks me down to the hilt.

I’m not sure who moves first; my mind returns to me as I am setting a deep and lazy pace. My intent is to drive her to madness. It is a well-kept secret that Kathryn Janeway loves to beg. Her body writhes beneath me. Her breasts. It becomes a necessity to see her breasts.

The silk gown is easily pushed up her body, my eyes pause to watch myself pump in and out of her. I am mesmerized, my cock glistens with her ample wetness, the contrast between my large dark body and her delicate pale figure causes my groin to tighten in warning. Having removed the barrier between my mouth and Kathryn’s breasts, I set to work, tasting and nibbling.

“ _ Mmmm—ahhhh,”  _ she tenses and traps my head against her breast, “ _ Mm-oh, God. More, Chak-ohhh.  _ **_More.”_ **

My thrusts quicken, mouth sucking firmly on a pert breast, I brace myself above her head. Firm muscles grip me and she comes with a powerful force. Hips buck wildly off the mattress, her breath leaving her in short sighs.

Watching her come undone around me sends a white-hot pulse of desire straight through my cock, spilling out deep inside her. She clutches at me, keeping me inside her through the wake of her orgasm. I kiss her continually, loving her, thanking her, grounding her, bringing her peace.

I collapse on the bed and tuck her against my chest; my nose finds the crown of her head, I breathe deeply. The smell of lilac, coffee, Kathryn, and home. Her lips brush my pec and delicate fingers trace my abdomen. I shiver under her touch; she hesitates and stops.

“We can do this, can’t we?”

My grip around her tightens, hearing the uncertainty in her tone.

“Yes. We can. I will be with you every step of the way.”

“Mmmm.”

“What?”

Her hand grasps my arm tightly and she draws in a breath.

“We’re having a baby.”

My heart soars. I pray to all the Spirits listening to bless this child and guide him to us.

“We’re having a baby,” I echo, “ _ My Sidanelv.” _

“Hmmm?” I didn’t realize I spoke aloud.

“ _ Sidanelv _ . It means family,” I kiss her on the forehead and murmur into her soft skin, “ _ Thank you for my sidanelv.” _

We hold each other tightly; the unfathomable love for the lives I hold in my embrace is my final thought before sleep claims me.


	4. Chapter IV

Kathryn sits at the island in the middle of the kitchen, reading glasses perched on the end of her perfect nose, padds scattered all about. I lean down and place a kiss of greeting on her cheek. A delicate hand blindly pats me on the face while she continues to skim her reports.

My briefcase is discarded on the stool beside her, she hums in concentration; I move around to set some water to boil. Looking out the window, I see my Nayeli huddled under the shade of the willow tree, padds surrounding her, face fixed in concentration, the perfect mirror of her mother. Except her jaw is set dangerously tight, fists clenched around her notes.

“What happened? Did she have a bad day?”

Kathryn murmurs something unintelligible, a hand raises toward me in pause, she taps away making notes to return to later. Tired eyes raise from their work and she gives an exasperated sigh. One pointed look and I know exactly what’s happening.

“Owen?”

“Mmmhmm. She assumes he’s asked someone else to the ‘Fleet gala. Or at least that’s what she’s heard.”

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.”

“You know he wouldn’t—,”

“A misunderstanding is my bet.”

“Did she give him a chance to explain?”

“Of course not. I have it on good authority,” she stands, depositing her glasses on the counter, and rounds the island, “She gave him the cold shoulder and broke his heart.”

A sad smile spreads across her face, her hand caresses a wrinkled dimple. Practiced fingers comb through my hair, now long and completely silver, and tucks the strands behind my ear. I rest my lips on her forehead and she pulls me down to her for a relaxed kiss. It’s a greeting, an apology, thanks for the years together, and a promise of more to come.

“Mmmm…I do know a bit about that,” my smile deepens when she playfully swats my bicep.

I hold her close once more, silken white locks under my nose. Kathryn turns her head to look out the window and I follow. Both of us silent as we watch our brilliant young woman outside; she hurls a padd across the grass and crosses her arms firmly across her chest. Kathryn laughs and burrows deeper into me.

“She gets that from you. My Angry Warrior.”

“Ha! Obviously, we haven’t discussed the alarming amount of bone china I’ve swept up over the years.”

Kathryn growls low in her throat and nuzzles my sternum, dissolving into chuckles.

“Oh, Chakotay,” she pulls back to look at me, eyes searching mine, “I’ve tried to talk to her. She is hurting and I can’t fix it”. Kathryn keeps her gaze trained on me. Soon, I get the not-so-subtle hint.

“I’ll go out there. Let me steep some tea,” I receive a peck on the cheek for my bravery, my favorite mug from the cabinet suddenly appears before me. I grab it and she pours the hot water over the ball of leaves and spices.

“You really know how to work me over, Admiral.”

Kathryn tosses a haughty grin over her shoulder, returning the kettle to the stove.

“You make it so easy.  _ Captain, _ ” another quick kiss and a nudge toward the door.

Gods, good thing I love these women more than life itself. If that weren’t the case, they would have surely driven me to madness by now. I draw in a hearty drink of my steaming tea and brace myself as I near the sacred tree; aggravation permeating the area around my daughter like radiation from a nebula.

_ “Ugh! Ridiculous! Stupid! What. A. Moron!” _

Another padd careens through the air, meeting the same fate as it’s comrade.

“The padds aren’t likely to last through the year if you keep treating them like that.”

Her head whips around, gasp flying from her mouth, and my flippant attitude evaporates with the sight of her tear stained face and red-rimmed eyes.

“Papa! I--,” her lip trembles and she escapes to the cover of her small arms and knees drawn up against her body. 

Slowly, I lower myself to the ground next to her, taking a sip of my tea allowing some time to discern just what she needs from me. As soon as I’m settled, her body leans against mine. Putting down the mug, I gather her to me, much like I do her mother.

I feel her pain keenly, my little girl—not so little anymore—burrows into me, fists clutch my shirt and she shakes with the effort of tamping down her emotions.

“Hush, now. I’m here,” she presses closer, groaning against me, fighting for control, “I’ve got you, sweet one. Let it go”. Finally, the dam breaks; sobs wrack her small frame and I tuck her under my chin. We rock for a while before her breathing evens out, the firm grip on me relaxes, but is not completely lost. Her body stiffens and she jerks her face back from my body.    

“I am so  _ stupid _ ! I-I thought… _ argh _ ! I don’t know what I thought! I  _ hate _  this! I hate that he has this-this…power over me! I— _ I hope I never have to look at him again _ ,” Nayeli drops back into my chest with a dull thud. I grunt with the impact and she mumbles an apology into my shirt.

My hand comes to stroke through her long dark hair, the other still holds her close. There’s an unexpected spark of anger that ignites somewhere inside me. The moment this little girl was first placed in my arms, I prayed that she would never know the pain of heartbreak. That she would know the love that her mother and I waited so long to share. Keeping my paternal instinct in check, I keep my daughter’s best interests in mind.

“I know you are upset right now and feel betrayed by someone that you love and trust. There are hurtful things you want to say; you  _ want _  him to hurt the way that you do. Trust me, Nayeli. He does. Knowing that you are upset and that he is the cause…it’s devastating,” she peers up at me, eyebrow raised in confusion, “I am—Nayeli. I—you are my daughter. Know that if you were intentionally harmed in any way, physical or emotional, I would do everything in my power to be sure they met a similar fate.  _ Always and forever.  _ I do not think it was his intention to cause you heartache.”

“ _ Papa _ ,” she laughs and nudges me, “Please don’t kill Owen. He—ugh. I don’t know. I just—”

“He loves you,” I look her in the eye, “As much as it pains me to admit this, I trust him with you. I know that he loves you. With all his heart and would do anything for you. I can appreciate that.” I hold her, clearing my throat and continuing at her silence.

“Nayeli, this has to be a mistake. Owen has been planning to ask you to the gala for  _ weeks _ ,” we both pause at the information that I have inadvertently divulged.

“ _ What _ ?”

“Yes. He was coming to dinner tonight to ask you.”

“What? No. There’s—no,” she struggles to stand and I let her go, watching her stalk off to the house. My rapidly cooling tea in hand, I move to follow.

Nayeli is in the kitchen, giving her mother a dressing-down fit for an ensign; Kathryn stands braced against the sink, poised to counter her daughter’s accusations.

“Mom! How could you two? I can’t believe this! And now he’s on his way over here,” Kathryn’s gentle nod and calm demeanor only served to fuel Nayeli’s fire.

“Hope you all have a nice dinner,” she rushes past me, practically flying to her bedroom upstairs.

“Kathryn. He’s not still coming.”

“He’ll be here in an hour. Get cooking, Captain,” she tosses a tea towel at me and returns to the cutting board to chop vegetables.

“I know her. I know  _ you _ . This is going to be—“

“Perfectly fine. Chakotay, they need a push in the right direction,” her eyes catch mine and I notice something there in her gaze, “If I wouldn’t have had someone to show me the error of my ways, right now I’d be commanding some starship light years from here. Lonely and full of regret”.

There’s no denying the truth in what she’s saying. It took a village to finally get Kathryn to answer my comms after  _ Voyager _  returned to Earth. Making my way to the stove, I start to take the vegetables my wife has already prepared and place them into the pan to sear.

There’s a knock at the door and Kathryn turns to me, surprised, wiping her hands on her apron. I wait and listen as she answers, a tentative voice greets her. I hear ‘the Admiral’ warmly grant him entrance. She’s welcoming, yet firm in her tone. She’s going to get to the bottom of this, if Owen’s expression as he’s guided into the kitchen says anything, it’s going to be quickly.

He stands at attention and his complexion blanches further when his eyes spot me. Kathryn herds him to the stool at the island, and shakes her head at me. Rumors of my supposed ‘Maquis temper’ have traveled the halls of the Academy for years.

“It’s alright, Owen. Don’t worry about him. He won’t bite, will you Chakotay?”

I give a small grin and turn down the heat on the sizzling vegetables. She clears her throat pointedly and I continue to feign ignorance—this is her show—busying myself with my vegetables. I hear her grumble under her breath as she starts to work on the salad.

“I need to speak with Nay. I know she’s home. I-I have to explain myself. Please, I--,”

“Mr. Paris,” I turn to interject, “you will be lucky if that girl hears anything you have to say tonight. Trust me, I know,” Kathryn rolls her eyes in exasperation as I gesture at her with my wooden spoon. 

“Do you have any idea how upset she is? What happened Owen,” Kathryn glares at me before turning her attention to Paris.

“Everything was going as planned! She was happy and smiling and laughing after we had breakfast! I caught her later to bring her some lunch and she threw it at me! The whole thing! I-I- _ why _ ? We were fine. We were just fine...” his crossed arms slide across the smooth granite and he deposits his head on top of them. Kathryn unties her apron and approaches, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.   

“Owen, take a deep breath. Do your best to calm down, because I am going to force her down here and you are going to quickly,  _ very quickly _ , explain exactly what happened. Stay right here and try not to look as terrified as you do right now. Chakotay, get him some water.”

We both watch as she sets the apron on the counter and heads upstairs. Owen looks to me and the anxiousness I am fighting is written all over his face. The feeling takes me right back to the Ready Room on Voyager. The day we passed through the trans-warp hub and returned to Earth. Oh, that conversation was horrible. Yes, I know exactly what it is to stare down the icy glare of a Janeway woman scorned.

He's going to need all the support he can get. Turning the stove completely off, he startles slightly as I pull out the stool next to him. We share another glance before footfalls on the stairs reach our ears.

“Just tell her and let her process it. That’s all you can do.” I pat him on the back and he straightens immediately when the women enter.

“Nay, I--,”

She cuts him off with her mother’s signature hand and crosses her arms, waiting.

“It was all a mistake. Anna Riker started a rumor. She said that I asked her during Tactical Analysis, but I’m not even  _ in _  Tactical Analysis. I was in Warp Mechanics with Kim and O’Brian. I heard the whole thing after I—uh—after I brought you lunch. That’s it. That’s what happened.”

The silence is deafening, Nayeli’s jaw clenches and relaxes, arms remain firmly crossed against her chest. She looks him over, gauging his reaction, nods once, giving a simple ‘thank you’, and walks from the room.

Owen deflates beside me and his head is once again resting in the cradle of his arms. Kathryn sighs and leans over the counter and stares at both of us.

“Guess, I won’t be needing this…,” Paris slowly rises, hand searching in his pants pocket.

He sets a small box on the counter and pushes it across the expanse into Kathryn’s space. Her fingers brush the dark velvet before opening it. She gasps, her wide blue eyes begin to sparkle at Owen.

“It’s, uh, not for now. I am going to give it to her at the gala. If she even goes…”

“ _ Owen, this is beautiful,”  _ now I am curious, my wife’s eyes fill with tears, “May I?”

She holds the small glowing pendant of a delicate necklace in her palm. Narrow sterling silver bands weave intricately to encase a shimmering blue glass that shines against her skin.

“It’s plasma from the warp core we built together last year. Nothing dangerous, just enough to...”

“Magnificent. You made this?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She holds it a bit longer before gently placing it back inside the box. My gaze tracks her as she comes around to gather Owen into her arms. I see him freeze for a moment, Kathryn kisses his cheek and holds him closer. Soon, his arms wind around her and returns the embrace.

“You will stay for dinner and you will take my daughter to the gala. Keep fighting, Owen,” she leans back and brings his face to look in hers, “She’s worth your time. I know that she loves you. She wouldn’t be pushing back if she didn’t”.

Owen sighs and hugs her again, Kathryn rests her hand on his cheek. She peers around him at me, understanding and love written on her face. I clear my throat and Paris turns to face me.

“Sir?”

“If you’re going to stay, you’re going to help. Wash your hands and grab a knife. I’ll teach you how to make my stir fry. It’s one of Nayeli’s favorites,” he grins shyly, accepting my peace offering.

A sniff at the door to the kitchen pulls all our attention to Nayeli leaning against the jam, arms wrapped around herself, silent tears trail down her cheeks.

“May I see what’s in the box?”

“Uhm…may I take you to the gala?”

Owen grabs the box and opens it, offering it to her. She takes one look at it, tears beginning anew, and throws her arms around him. The poor man almost topples over with the force of her lunge.

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” Nayeli kisses his face to punctuate every word, “Of course I’ll go”.

He moves from her grasp, long enough to take the necklace from its box and fasten it around her neck. He kisses her forehead and tucks her under his chin.  

“It’s so beautiful. So thoughtful. Just…,” she kisses him solidly on the lips. Kathryn’s eyebrows nearly disappear in her hairline. Nayeli breaks from a stunned Owen, goofy grin plastered on his face.

“Now, what’s for dinner, Papa? I’m starving. I skipped lunch,” she blushes at Owen’s guffaw on her way to the stove.

“’Skipped it’? You tossed it.”

I chuckle with them and turn the stove back on.

“Alright, everyone gets an assignment. This dinner isn’t going to make itself. I want it ready no later than 1900,” Nayeli rolls her eyes at her mother’s change in demeanor.

“Yes, Admiral,” we groan. I gasp in mock surprise when I feel a celery stalk weakly strike me in the back.  


	5. Chapter V

My beautiful wife braces herself on the counter in the kitchen, sipping her coffee, watching life blossom around her stalwart willow. Some days I cannot fathom the fact that she is my wife, and has been for nearly thirty years. The time we have spent together has only served to solidify our relationship and bring us closer than I ever thought possible.

I have fallen deeply and irrevocably in love; not only with the formidable Captain, turned Admiral, but the woman who stands before me now, bathed in the sunlight streaming through the window, giving her flowing mane of long white hair an ethereal glow.

I move behind her. Kathryn hums as she feels my presence. Gathering her soft locks and brushing them aside, exposing the warm skin of her neck. She takes in a sharp breath as my lips caress their way down to her collar bone.

She becomes loose and pliant against me; ass pressing insistently at my growing erection. The years have not only given us a stronger love, but a stronger passion. My intimate knowledge of this tantalizing body in front of me serves its purpose well.  _ Very well. _

My thumbs massage under the neckline of her silk robe, she bows forward over the sink, a moan escaping her, granting me better access to her tense muscles. My mouth works in tandem with my fingers; tickling and licking, kneading and sucking.

An impatient whine sounds from the back of her throat; coffee cup discarded, she steps to spread her legs wider, fingers weave their way through my hair scratching my scalp. I have her now. Growling at the notion, my hands make their way across her breasts, flicking at her hardened nipples. They settle low on her belly and she brings her hands over mine and pushes them to cup her cunt.

I feel the heat and dampness of her through the material as she grinds into the pressure I create. I pull her tight against me and thrust languidly at her supple ass. Opening the gap of her robe, I draw my finger across her wet folds, teasing around her swollen clit. My unoccupied hand returns to her breast and slips below the silk there, rolling and tugging at a pert nipple.

She sighs, her hips circle in my embrace, pussy begging for more direct contact. I grant her wish instantly; thumb at her clit, my middle finger presses at her entrance. She grunts in frustration.

_ “Don’t tease…” _

Kathryn gasps as my finger enters her quickly, I don’t let her settle into her usual tempo; my rhythm is harsh and deep. Her grip on my hand tightens and she accepts my pace, simply beginning to ride.

_ “God, yes. Ohhhhhh…Chakotay. More.” _

_ “More? You like this? Need more of it?” _

Her hand that braces her against the counter flies to the back of my head and pulls my head in for a searing kiss. She bites and sucks fervently at my lips. I slip another finger inside her and she pants into my mouth.

_ “Yes. Yes. Yes. YES. YES,”  _ she chants with every thrust. My mind sluggishly registers a noise from somewhere else in the house. Kathryn is lost in the throes of her pleasure, nothing will reach her. I feel her begin to clench around my fingers as footsteps approach the entrance to the kitchen.

_ “AAAHHHHH! YES! OHHHHH YEEEEESS,”  _ she squeals in delight as her juices drip down my hand and my insistent erection nestles itself firmly in the cradle of her ass.

“P-Papa? Wha- **ARGH!”**

“We brought some-Nay, what are you- **HOLY SHIT.** ”

Kathryn is leaned against me, robe fallen open, flushed with orgasm, and slowly returning to her body. At the sound of our daughter’s voice, she freezes and scrambles to close her robe; knocking her coffee mug to the floor.

Laughter erupts from me as I use Kathryn as a shield, an icy glare is tossed my way over her shoulder. Nayeli leans limply against her crutches, face filled with horror as she realizes why I have her mother pressed firmly in front of me. Owen looks as if he’s ready to pass out any second.

“Papa! Wh-why?  _ In the kitchen?! Spirits! _ ”

“Well, it is  _ our  _ kitchen, Nayeli,” Kathryn huffs and slips out of my grasp. Something I can only define as a giggle leaves me as we race past the kids and upstairs to the sanctuary of our bedroom. Kathryn slams the door closed and turns to face me sternly.

The moment her eyes find mine, we burst into a fit of cackles. She rushes for the bed and tugs me with her and we collapse together, breathless. Her kisses fuel my fire as she rubs at my chest.

“That, dear husband, was one of the best orgasms I’ve had in a while,” she continues to kiss me as she straddles my thighs. I am shocked that she would even consider doing this with the kids waiting downstairs, the thought turns me on.

“ _ Kathryn. They’re right down—“ _

_ “I know exactly where they are. I. Don’t. Give. A. Damn. They want to walk in unannounced? This is what they get…” _

Her mouth insistent on mine, she expertly pulls my pants and briefs down to work me back to where she wants me. I have always admired the way she teases my cock; precise and thorough by way of carefully planned and executed procedure. Much like the way she captains a ship.

We groan in unison as she sinks down onto me, her velvet heat rippling over my hard flesh. Kathryn bites her lip and takes me in the same manner I treated her to a few minutes ago. Her hand covers my mouth to muffle the grunts of encouragement.

_ “You ready to come, Captain?” _

The low grumble of her query is whispered against my cheek as she leans over me and tweaks her hips on the upstroke. My heart nearly explodes, her cunt milks me in that exquisite way and I lose myself deep inside her, a long continuous moan vibrates against my wife’s palm.

Building the strength to move, we pepper each other with small nipping kisses. I want nothing more than to pull her to me and sleep for an hour or two, but our duty lies downstairs. Kathryn senses my need to move and rolls from me. Her robe is flung to the floor, luscious naked hips saunter away from me; she crooks a finger in invitation.

As fast as my body will allow, I answer her call and join my wife for a quick hot shower. We lather each other with ease, falling into our normal morning routine on her days of going to San Francisco. Emerging fresh from our bedroom, quietly we return to the kitchen door to hear whispers and laughter.

“Nay! Let’s. Just.  _ Go! _  Did you  _ see  _ the look the Admiral gave us?”

“ _ Seriously?  _ You just witnessed my mother have an orgasm and  _ now _  you feel is the time to refer to her as  _ ‘the Admiral’ _ ?”

“I felt it appropriate for the moment…?  _ Kahless. _ ”

He lets out a nervous chuckle and I snicker behind the protection of the wall. Kathryn strikes my arm and I laugh harder at the massive blush coloring her face. She clears her throat and we make our entrance.

Nayeli spins on her heel—the best she can with her crutches—and pierces both of us with an incredulous glare. Eyebrow arched, just as her mother taught her, she draws in a deep breath to chastise, glances at Owen, and the air rushes from her. The young man is on the verge of hyperventilation and Nayeli doubles over. All of us rush to her instantly, her release from the hospital only a few months old.

“Nay,” Owen is crouched in front of her, “Talk to me. What--.” He shakes his head and grumbles in frustration, rising from his position.

“ _ She’s laughing _ . She’s laughing. Damn it… One of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack,” he plops back down in his stool at the island as Nayeli continues her hysterics.

“ _ G-ods, Mom! I-I’ve never--,”  _ she is lost to laughter once more.

“Okay. Alright already. I know. Nobody ever thinks ‘the Admiral’ gets laid,” Kathryn looks straight at Owen and runs her hand suggestively over my pec, “These are  _ grossly _  false accusations. The Captain here works very hard to keep me happy.”

I choke on nothing and Owen groans, dropping his head into his hands. Nayeli’s episode slowly winds down and she moves over to console her embarrassed boyfriend.

“ _ We know. We saw,”  _ he mumbles in the safety of his hiding place. Kathryn chuckles; Nayeli pats his back and kisses his cheek gently.

“Shake it off, Ensign. I’m hungry. Papa, what’s for breakfast,” she hobbles over to me and maneuvers her crutches to one arm, wrapping the other firmly around my middle. I squeeze her tightly to me and tuck her head under my chin after a quick kiss.

“We weren’t really expecting any guests. But, I’m sure we can think of something.”

“Oh! Nayeli, before I forget, there’s something in my office that you need to take with you to Headquarters tomorrow. Come with me for a moment.”

Kathryn whisks her away and leaves me in the kitchen with Paris. Like a well-maintained plasma relay, he and I begin to prep for our usual menu when we gather for breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee. Spirits, the amount of coffee we go through in this house. As he retrieves the bacon from the fridge, Owen pauses.

“Uhm…sir?”

I smile, eyes fixed on the butter melting in the skillet. The anxiety comes off him in waves; the memory of having that same anxiety in this very room returns to me.

“It’s Chakotay. Remember? Yes, Owen,” I look to him and he is gripping the bacon so tightly that the seal is about to break. Easing the meat from his hand, his eyes follow it while I deposit it on the counter.

“Right.  _ Right.  _ Yes. I-I just…love your daughter. Very much, s-Chakotay. And, well. Next week I’m taking her to Italy. For dinner. In Tuscany,” he swallows, glancing at the door.

“They won’t be gone for much longer. So, I’ll take over for a moment,” putting down the spatula, my body turns to face him fully, “I trust you with my daughter. I trust that you’ll protect her; mind, body, and soul. I also trust that you know what it is to love these women. It won’t be easy and she will push you to every limit. But, the reward greatly outweighs the risk. Every. Time. I only ask one thing,” my heart constricts and I see the pain mirrored in his eyes.

“Yes?”

“Please, follow her. Wherever she goes. Follow her,” searching for the strength, I press on, “Soon, the time will come where I will not be able to follow her anymore. This duty is now yours. Are you ready to accept this?”

“Yes, sir. Always,” I hug him close, only for a moment, and pat him heartily on the shoulder.

“She already belongs to you, but you have my blessing,” Gretchen’s words from that night so many years ago wash over me as I find them coming from my own mouth. My life has nearly come full circle and I’ve never been happier.

The voices of our Janeway women float to us from the next room. I hand Owen the bacon and he tears the package open with a bright smile on his face. It’s infectious and we both begin to chuckle.

“What’s so funny, you two,” Nayeli comes to rest behind Paris, leaning against him and he kisses her forehead.

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” he answers and I feel Kathryn wrap her arms around me. I turn and kiss the knowing smile plastered on her lips. We gaze at one another, silently communicating. Nayeli clears her throat.

“Easy over there. Remember there are children present.”

“My kitchen, Nayeli,” Kathryn warns and Owen lets out a bark of laughter. We join him and get on with making breakfast.


	6. Chapter VI: Epilogue

“Chakotay? She’s asking for you now,” Phoebe exits, kissing me on the cheek as she passes. I step up to the door, take a deep breath, and knock. Both Nayeli and Kathryn call for my entrance at the same moment. Giggles greet me when I fully open the door.

My wife is fastening the last of Nayeli’s dress uniform; the scene is absolutely breath taking. Tears sting at my eyes and I let them come. This is the day I give my daughter away to someone else. Another who will care for and nurture her. I know he’ll take great care with her, even then, she is one of the most precious things of my entire life.

“Here, honey. Sit. Let me get your boots,” Nayeli uses her crutches for leverage to slide down into the chair, Kathryn kneels at her feet. She releases the braces at Nayeli’s legs and works on the foreboding Starfleet issue one foot at a time.

I roll the cold metal of her pips in my fingers; anxiously waiting for my turn to prepare my daughter. All morning had been a blur; caterers, Admirals, nearly the entire ‘Fleet class of 2404, other guests, fretting family members, Phoebe coming at my girls with curling irons and make up brushes. A father can only sit back and watch the calamity unfold.

Here, in this moment, it’s only me and my family. My sweet little  _ sidanelv.  _ Kathryn and Nayeli are laughing easily; her boots finally on and the braces back in place. Nayeli has accepted her legs and their new limitations with such grace. Assuring me fervently that she ‘can still captain a ship just fine’.

She stands slowly and moves toward me, moisture sparkling in her dark eyes to match my own. Before I can speak, she tucks both crutches under one arm and squeezes me with the other. Kathryn comes behind her and snaps a holoimage.

For several minutes, I trap her against me and she lets it happen, not wanting our contact to ever end. The opportunities to hold my baby girl are so few and far between now, the thought is unsettling. She clears her throat and I release her. Wiping at her eyes and smoothing her hair down, she shakes herself off and comes to attention.

I reinstate her with the addition of her mother’s pips, now  _ her  _ pips. She is already a junior Lieutenant; rising through the ranks just as fast as I knew she would. My head swims with the pride and joy I feel at her accomplishments, her life, and the fact that she is standing here with me today. Alive and well.

“Papa,” she brushes at my chest, “You look so handsome in your dress uniform.”

“I’ve always thought so too,” Kathryn kisses my cheek as she passes us both, gathering her own jacket and putting it on.

“I’ll have Tom help me with the rest of my uniform,” she gestures disapprovingly at her dress jacket, “We’ll come for you two when they’re ready.”

Nayeli bows her head for a forehead kiss and with that, Kathryn is out the door. She chuckles as I stare at her endlessly; I just can’t get enough of the amazing young woman in front of me. I sigh and her brows knit together in confusion.

“What is it?”

I am at a loss for words; she reminds me so much of her mother. Swallowing around the lump rising in my throat, I tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear.

“I am so proud of you. You are everything I imagined and more,” her lip begins to quiver and I grit my teeth against my emotions, “There is nothing in this world that I want more than you and your mother’s happiness.”

She lets her eyes slip closed over the tears that fall, my hands cradle her face, thumbs keeping the moisture from damaging the unnecessary make up her aunt has applied.

“When I held you in my arms your first night with us, I have to admit that I was terrified of this moment. Afraid that my selfishness would put your happiness in jeopardy. I wanted you for me and only me. Now I know that there is someone else who loves you almost as much as I do.”

“Papa—“

“Owen is wonderful and I wouldn’t have you marry anyone else. But, you will find no other in this universe that loves you more than your mother and I do. Not one.”

She cries openly and my lips rest on her forehead, grounding her once more. We withdraw from each other and this time it is my turn to straighten her jacket. A light knocking at the door rouses us from our moment together, Kathryn pokes her head in and smiles brightly.

“It’s time,” I nod to Nayeli and she draws in a deep breath.

“Let’s go, Papa,” voice rough, she kisses my cheek and exits past Kathryn. My wife laughs and wraps an arm around my waist as I reach her.

“I think she’s been ready for a while,” Kathryn pats my back and goes to take her position. Nayeli hands her crutches off to one of the ushers and I support her against my side. Together, we walk slowly down the aisle, on our way to the eager face of the young man who is soon to become my son.


End file.
